Monday, May 9, 2011

Single Mother's Day in Colombia

Mother's Day Trinkets for sale
One thing I've been struck by since moving to Colombia has been the great number of single mothers, raising families with no father in sight or providing assistance. Chalk it up, perhaps, to my middle class U.S. upbringing, where deadbeat dads got caught with DNA tests, hauled into court and forced to turn over a slice of each paycheck - whether they stirred fries at McDonald's or traded stocks - to their ex-wives and kids.

So, it was difficult to me to grasp how, on either moral or practical grounds, so many men could simply abandon the kids they'd brought into the world. In the first Bogotá house where I rented an apartment there were three such moms, compared to one family with a biological dad present.

Edgar makes a sale. 

On Mother's Day I asked several Bogotanos about this situation, and received different explanations - or, some would say, justifications. Some blamed single motherhood on women - Edgar, who was selling fabric Mother's Day flowers along Seventh Ave., opined that single motherhood was the fault of women and girls who had children at too young an age - forgetting that men, too, play a role in those births.

Around the corner, Maria, who sells newspapers in a kiosk, told me that she'd raised four
Maria selling smokes. 

daughters alone with the business. "My mother also raised me with the business, and passed it on to me," she added proudly.

"A lot of men are abusive and run after other women," explained Maria, who'd left her husband for those reasons. Later, she had tried suing him for support, "but it became too much trouble," she said. "I don't like to fight."

An indigenous mother and child on a sidewalk. Forced displacement - by armed groups, deforestation, poverty and other reasons, affects predominantly  women. 
Deadbeat dads use lots of maneuvers to escape paying, including disappearing, swearing they're broke and hiding their income. Colombia's huge informal economy, in which many incomes are off the books, also makes it easier to hide money.

A neighbor, who didn't want her name used, has raised three children mostly alone - including a teenage daughter who has a baby by a man whom my neighbor calls irresponsible. My neighbor got married very young, "when I'd just come from the countryside and was foolish," to a man who she says was an irresponsible womanizer. Back then, my neighbor understood little about birth control, and back in those days a woman needed her husband's consent to buy contraceptives, she said.

And, as a young woman from the countryside, without skills or education, she felt completely dependant on her husband. (Now, about age 40, she works irregularly and attends night school to get a high school degree.) Now, she worries that her own daughter will lose her chance to go to school or get a good job because she had a child while very young. Many companies, says my neighbor, won't hire women with young children because they assume they'll ask for many days off for health reasons.

My neighbor blames her having three children with an undependable man on "foolishness." She finally left her husband, who died that same year, but then had to turn her children over to a state orphanage because she couldn't afford to raise them. She now lives with them again.

Another friend, a university student who participates in leftist and feminist organizations, blames Colombian society's acceptance of single motherhood on Colombian cultural expectations that women should be primarily mothers. Society, she said, pushes women to become mothers, while placing little emphasis on fatherhood, and sends the message that in order to realize themselves, women must become mothers. Weak laws, she says make it easy for fathers to skip out.

I'd add to the list of reasons alcohol, which contributes to lots of unwanted pregnancies and unplanned children. 

For mothers no long with us. Cards for sale outside the Central Cemetery. 
By Mike Ceaser, of Bogotá Bike Tours


kiko1 said...

Nice article. I have lived in Colombia for over a year and the amount of single mothers is eye popping!

When I try to ask, it is usal deflected as to the whereabouts of the father.

Even when asking if you have children and they answer no you have to ask if they had a gave birth because a lot of children are being take care of by relatives.

You're right alcohol is a big factor. I was also on a dating site and the majority of women from Colombia had a child with no support from the guy. The average salary in Colombia is about 300 bucks a month and these men just take off.

Pass a law for child support mandatory.

Miguel said...

Thanks for your comment Kiko.

Actually, Colombia does have child support laws, but they often aren't enforced. And some mothers just decide it's too much trouble to pursue their ex thru the courts.


Talk about Turkey said...

Great article, very thought provoking. Are there any statistics to show Colombia's place in the world with regard to single parent families?

Miguel said...

Hi Talk About Turkey,

I haven't seen any such statistics about single motherhood, but I'd suspect that it ranks quite low (or high).



RossT said...

Make ABORTIONS MANDATORY! Just like in El Salvador! If women are reckless with their reproduction and wants the State to get money for them from the man, then that same State should be able to dictate WHEN a woman can have a baby! If she has no job, no education two choices. Abortion or sterilization!

Marian Douglas-Ungaro said...

Regarding the thing posted by someone allegedly named "Ross" - saying women - AND GIRLS - should be forcibly sterilised or forced to have a pregnancy/pregnancies aborted. This sounds exactly like a form of rape, and probably would have the same social-psychological effects on the victim. What kind of person would say such things? Only someone who posts a picture of a toy, instead of his or her own photo. QUE BARBARO.

Miguel said...

Hi Marian - I agree completely with you. Strangely, I hadn't seen 'Ross's' comment earlier. Ross is obviously very confused, since in El Salvador abortion is completely illegal, so it's far from mandatory.


Miguel said...

Hi Marian - I agree completely with you. Strangely, I hadn't seen 'Ross's' comment earlier. Ross is obviously very confused, since in El Salvador abortion is completely illegal, so it's far from mandatory.


codey smith said...

It is terrible when a father doesn't handle his responsibilities but on the flip side Colombia will enforce up to 50% of what you make annually so figure I do well and make 1000000 to 1200000 every year I have to give the bitch 500000 to 600000 every year that's ridiculous that's not child support you supporting her whole family and lover my child would get everything I accomplish anyway

Tray Deans said...

Hello. My name's Tray and I'm looking for a nice place to retire and possibly marriage. I do have custody of two of my children and I'm concerned about their safety in Columbia's beautiful weather. I'm tired of the winter's in Milwaukee, WI and I can't find love in America. Guys, is it worth the trip? My e-mail is: And is the cost of living really 50 percent less than Milwaukee? I appreciate your time and hope to see yall there.